Episode 10: The History of Thanksgiving and Black Friday

selective focus photo of red turkey head


On this episode, Austin talks about the horrible true story of Thanksgiving, while Mattie visits the truly messed up history of Black Friday. The through-line of the episode is hey, stop being jerks, everyone. Dinosaurs don’t show up in this episode, but we do mention Rush Limbaugh, so basically the same.

Mattie  0:35  
Hi, everybody and welcome to Will This Be On the Test? I’m Mattie

Austin  0:39  
I’m Austin.

Mattie  0:40  
and we are here today to talk to you about the holiday that’s coming up which is Thanksgiving Thanksgiving. I am not a big Thanksgiving person. No

Austin  0:50  
I was for a while but never realized. It’s never what you expect. It’s always worse and you can just over eat with better food like anywhere else and the other day.

Mattie  1:02  
It see that’s the thing is we Americans like to make fun of British food. It has no flavor and it’s all mushy. What is everything on Thanksgiving?

Austin  1:11  
It’s like the only thing that’s even closely a vegetable is green bean casserole, which is just bland and mushy. Well, then we have mashed potatoes weathered mushy.

Mattie  1:20  
We have funeral potatoes, though.

Austin  1:23  
bland and mushy with

Mattie  1:24  
cheese. And then Turkey. I don’t I’ve never had turkey that wasn’t kind of bland. And I’m not saying that as an insult to any cooks. It’s the it’s the flavors that automatically

Austin  1:34  
I my family started smoking a turkey for Thanksgiving, which is amazing because you have lots of smoked turkey. But I mean, it’s still just smoked turkey.

Mattie  1:43  
Yeah, I mean, that’s what I eat on my sandwiches at lunch pretty much every day. So I think it’s more the fact that it’s not a novelty. I wonder if I didn’t used to be a novelty to get to eat the thing.

Austin  1:53  
Maybe it was like the Hey, kids, guess what, we’re going to eat a full meal today and you’re going to be thankful about it.

Mattie  1:58  
That could be it. I just think Don’t dig Thanksgiving food, which is why I’ve really enjoyed over the last decade or so my family has started to add in, you know, unusual food.

Austin  2:09  
Oh, don’t tell you about the shocking and scandalous Thanksgiving in which instead of cranberry sauce, someone brought a cranberry relish that had orange zest in it. Oh man, like literally for three years I talked about well, I like this cranberry sauce. It’s so much better than Cadbury sauce. We had that one time that was different.

Mattie  2:28  
I felt that cranberry sauce had orange zest in it.

Austin  2:31  
It can but this was like a relish. So it was like chunky was almost like a check. That sounds really good. It was it was amazing. I loved it.

Mattie  2:37  
I am not I don’t like cranberries. They make me really thirsty. But I do enjoy cranberry sauce when you put it on a turkey sandwich.

Austin  2:45  
I do too.

Mattie  2:47  
And see that’s the thing. The best part about Thanksgiving food is the Thanksgiving leftover sandwiches.

Austin  2:52  
Which is why Okay, seriously, that’s why you need to host Thanksgiving is because then you get all the leftovers.

Mattie  3:00  
Hosted thanksgiving for three or four years in a row back when I lived in Boston. I had a lofted bed, but it was like a half loft loft about my waist. So we had to flip the mattress up and put the all the food out on top of the loft that we’d serve people. That the leftovers are the reason to do it. Yeah.

I mean, it’s not ever that you’ll hear me say I’m on Ross Geller side, except for the sandwich.

Austin  3:25  
I think he overreacted to the sandwich.

Mattie  3:27  
Do you have your lunch stolen at work? Yeah, I had my lunch stolen consistently for a couple of months. And I was in a school where everybody’s salary, but I was on an hourly position. And I was also on a diet at the time. So I’m buying those expensive to me because I was on such a low budget, you know, smart ones meals or whatever. And consistently they were being stolen, and I had no way to combat it. And I even know who’s doing it. And it was somebody who’d been in the school for a very long time who then was trying to defend herself when she heard me talking to someone else about it. Well, you know, it’s really easy to confuse your lunches and blah blah, blah. And I’m like, No, I literally the only one here, so I don’t think Ross really overreacted. I think that was me. He already had some stuff. Okay,

Austin  4:15  
I’m doubling. I’m guessing she was like, I’m gonna say late 50s because this is an absolute Boomer move.

Mattie  4:23  
Yeah, yeah, it was. So I actually at the end of the day, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. And I think his boss’s reaction is more what caused the overreaction from Ross than what he

Austin  4:34  
actually did, sir. Okay. I will say I’m actually known as Sykes Remember to keep important part of this. He threw the sandwich

Mattie  4:40  
away then told Ross to get the rest out of it out of the trash if you want to eat it. Like that is some aggressive shit. Also, your boss has no business, borrowing anybody else’s food. Yes, I’m going on the same level it would have been an overreaction but when this is the person who you’re supposed to be able to go to when these things happen, it’s just so wrong. And then also it was his special Thanksgiving leftover sandwich with a noisemaker in the middle. Yes, I am saying moist again.

Austin  5:09  
I’m currently the moist maker.

Mattie  5:11  
I know Ross is a gross person Ross is problematic for many reasons.

Ross and Rachel is not a love story. That’s the story of abuse.

Austin  5:20  
You want to see like the one good love story on Thanksgiving. It’s Phoebe and Mike. Phoebe and Mike

Mattie  5:26  
was Thanksgiving and it was Halloween when she brought the rat babies over. I think that was the real love story

Austin  5:31  
will say it was Thanksgiving so we can keep on theme.

Mattie  5:34  
Right? Well, we both prepared some Miss learnings or non learnings about the Thanksgiving season for you today. Austin goes first this week. I did my first last week.

Austin  5:45  
Yeah, so I’m going first this weekend, I got a very target rich environment. Almost everything we learned was either wrong or just just too awful for it to ever be the real truth.

Mattie  5:56  
So what are you talking about? I’m talking about

Austin  5:58  
the first Thanksgiving. All right. We’re going to talk about the myth we’ve all heard and prepare for this. I actually read a children’s Thanksgiving book. Okay, that I’m going to paraphrase roughly what it said. The Pilgrims flee religious intolerance and go to America. They didn’t know how to farm so good, but squanto and the Indian saw how the poor hungry pilgrims and taught them how to farm and eat turkey. I guess. This Yep. paraphrase the children’s book.

Mattie  6:27  
So are we saying that the British people weren’t capable of eating? I mean,

Austin  6:32  
we’re talking about how like, it should have been natural for them. It’s Turkey. It’s flavorless. It’s white.

Mattie  6:40  
Me too. Yeah.

Austin  6:42  
And to show face and friendship, the pilgrims through a feast, and they all gave thanks and syphilis. And the Indians and settlers never had problems again.

Mattie  6:54  
God didn’t actually say something like that. No,

Austin  6:56  
I will say me and

Mattie  6:59  
a lot of people Thanksgiving stories that I learned growing up really did end with. They never had problems again, everybody got along forever.

Austin  7:07  
So remember that kids if you’re ever but to be a jerk later, just buy someone a sandwich and then it can be a jerk for forever.

Mattie  7:15  
That’s not entirely incorrect. It’s not

Austin  7:18  
it depends on the quality of the sandwich by sandwich.

Mattie  7:21  

Austin  7:22  
sandwich. This is an adorable story. It’s, it’s fast. It’s easy. It’s about the importance of sharing and friendship. And that’s great for elementary school kids. It also has the fucking easiest crafts you can ever do. It’s like adding Oh, here’s some brown construction paper, tracer hands, Turkey now,

Mattie  7:41  
you know what else has those things without being revisionist? Sesame Street,

Austin  7:45  
Sesame Street does too. And you already have all of these like a dorable, like, cartoony pilgrims and Indians and decorate your classroom. I understand. It’s easy. It’s expected. It’s not making any waves, but it’s also every last little bit of this is rod.

Mattie  8:06  
Yeah, I actually feel bad for the teachers who have stuff because especially nowadays, I would say nine out of 10 of them would rather teach. I’m not saying that they’d want to teach kindergardens about genocide or anything, but something a little more.

Austin  8:22  
Imagine which the kindergarten genocide lessons.

Mattie  8:25  
Well, the fact is kindergarteners are old enough to understand that people are mean to each other for being different. And so there’s no reason that really can’t be thrown into there. It’s like, you know, we tell this nice stories, but we can even just say sometimes because they’re little, the pilgrims weren’t nice to the Indians because they look different from them. And kids. Why shouldn’t we do that to like, this is a good learning opportunity that we’re missing.

Austin  8:50  
I want to start this off. I’m just gonna rip off a big band aid here. The Pilgrims never called themselves pilgrims. They were not the pilgrims into 1821 Daniel Webster, yes, that Daniel Webster,

the one that bought tituba. And oh, no, no, that’s the one that bites. Paul didn’t Paul Jennings.

Yep. It was good for the Dolly Madison until he started calling the pilgrims. They called themselves either the saints, the saints, the St. Louis or the separatists.

Mattie  9:19  
I’ve heard the separatists. Okay, this

Austin  9:21  
is actually shocking. They were religiously persecuted in England. Yes. They were fined in jail for not attending churches and they want to be separate from the Church of England for it not being Protestant enough or different from the Catholic Church. So they So naturally, they fled England to get religious freedoms and they found it in the Netherlands. Okay, which, I mean, they had the religious freedom. It was great, but they didn’t like the Netherlands because it was too secular. Their kids were like, leaving the Puritan lifestyle for those sexy sexy Dutch.

Mattie  9:52  
I mean, isn’t that where the milkmaids are from

Austin  9:54  
dude, okay, if we’re going like sexiest country, the Netherlands is right the fucking Their

Mattie  10:01  
next time I’m Will This Be On the Test we just ranked countries based on sexiness, we don’t have any.

Austin  10:06  
Number three Shaquille

So, and of course, they weren’t making a lot of money and they were not thriving in the Netherlands and because they were religious fanatics and they weren’t great at what they did. So they’re they weren’t doing well in their lives. So they decided, we’ll just go to America and form a theocracy. So really, they wouldn’t go to America for religious freedom. They went there to be intolerant of other religions, which they did and have naturally to make a bank because you could make a ton of money in America, but they weren’t really prepared to to that

Mattie  10:40  
either. Wouldn’t God provide?

Austin  10:42  
Oh, you might think he did, because there was some damn near divine intervention to keep these guys alive. They intended to sell near New York City, and they also considered ganja boy guayana

Mattie  10:57  
we never looked up how to pronounce that one Yet goi a na

Austin  11:02  
Guyana, Guyana they consider that which hilariously is where, oh God, not hilariously, coincidentally, is where Jim Jones and the Jonestown stuff took place. So if you’re ever wanting to set up a theocratic state, there’s something about Venezuela that just draws again.

It’s the blue that is they just just

yet, can you. So they made the crossing they talked about, you’ll hear about how awful the crossing was. But it wasn’t that bad by the standards of the time. It was a little bad, but it wasn’t the worst.

Mattie  11:34  
The only thing I really remember learning was that there was one baby born on board, and they named him Oceana’s. They did

Austin  11:43  
the problem. The big play they had was the original job today with two ships, but one called the speedwell. With a piece of junk and it ended up bled blame them by two months leaving so when they finally arrived in November, of specifically, November 9 1620, He was already getting the winter they would have time to really set up settlements or shop or like plant anything, or like really start a cell with of any kind. But there was a fucking house where they landed. Someone was already there, they found a house, a European house, an iron pot in it, and they found abandoned cornfields where they had been planting corn. So someone had lived there

Mattie  12:24  
before the pilgrims even showed up. But nobody lived in America until the pilgrims arrived.

Austin  12:29  
And also, interestingly enough, they got lost. When they showed up in America. They showed up in Massachusetts, New York, or New York City where they wanted to and because they had met the area, they get it up like there’s lots of shoals and stuff and they just gave up and said fine, we’re settling here.

Mattie  12:45  
They landed on Plymouth Rock,

Austin  12:47  
yet completely by

Mattie  12:48  
accident. You ever seen Plymouth Rock?

Austin  12:51  
I have not. I’ve been to it.

What’s it like?

Mattie  12:54  
It’s a rock and it is not a large one. It’s just it’s a rock and it’s got like a little little fence around it. Plymouth Rock is one of those things, guys, that you get the same effect by looking at a photo of it on the internet as you would in person, probably a better ones do more detail than you would have wouldn’t reality. So when you make your pilgrimage to

get that one go see something interesting.

Austin  13:22  
Yeah, there’s so much better things to do in Boston and Massachusetts, just in general. It really the entire New England.

Mattie  13:29  
I’m trying to remember when I saw Plymouth Rock because the trip I have it wedged into in my mind is one where I was in Virginia. And I also saw the Liberty Bell, which I know is not in Boston,

Austin  13:42  
now that’s in that’s in Philly, yo.

Mattie  13:44  
Yeah. So in my head, this thing like Virginia or like Philadelphia,

Austin  13:50  
yeah, maybe they moved it. They could have it’s a small rock, maybe get maybe you saw national treasure at one point and you’re getting it all mixed up in your head.

Mattie  14:00  
Maybe national treasure moved everything around

Austin  14:03  
maybe national treasure three is going to take place on Plymouth Rock. It was cage I haven’t got a rock for two hours this cage I know you listen to us national treasure treasure three. Plymouth Rock. Just hear us out. Okay, so the pilgrims arrived unprepared in the winter. Half of them died. Yeah, half of them died on the ship before they even started settling or doing anything. And also they did look out because they found some buried seeds and 17 graves which they rob and the which was great because none of the seeds they brought with them were viable in the climate. So they This was they all their entire planting stock. They just found from the one pot no egg stores. I’m probably mispronouncing it. And I’m probably accidentally called them the one will poke which are the tribe from Parks and Recreation

and I apologize so much lame Amy Poehler,

Mattie  15:01  
I usually Damn. So that

Austin  15:03  
was their first bit of luck, their second bit of luck with squanto or two squanto, his actual name, which we’re pretty sure that’s his actual name because they never bothered to really learn it. And every time they spelled out, they spelled it in a different way. Ah, so he saved all their assets. They couldn’t even bother getting his name, right. So there’s called squanto,

Mattie  15:23  
which we’ve shown like and obviously, he was an adult who understood that these are people who didn’t speak the same language as him. But we’ve actually like there are studies showing that when you consistently mess somebody his name up it messes with their entire sense of self.

Austin  15:37  
Yeah, and also squanto, who actually spoke English and was there because they weren’t the first one. They weren’t the first ones there. In fact, squanto had been kidnapped and sold as a slave to the Spanish and 1614. And he had lived in England, and had escaped and made his way all the way back to New England,

Mattie  15:57  
only to be followed by followed by the period

Austin  16:00  
And his, his tribe, the pop, the pata, pata kit or pop, pop exit part two part two exits. That’s a PA TUX et I would potox it

Mattie  16:16  
has the X of the Z is my first guest, but I

Austin  16:19  
have no idea. It’s we’re all dead his entire tribe had died of smallpox, which have been carried there by the English public, about 90% of the American population had died of smallpox a couple of years before the settlers showed up. All of us like empty land and nobody was around was because they all died of disease not long before these people got there. So he taught them all these basic survival skills they would need like how to plant things about the fur trade, and was because he spoke English in the various state of languages in the area. He also like convinced other players like leave him alone. Don’t kill these white people. Big mistake by the way. He helped them for the rest of his life. He did die a few years later have the flu while he was helping them with some trade. And so this brings us to the first Thanksgiving. They’ve finally had their successful harvest. They got corn, squash, pumpkins, they were going to survive this winter better off than they had before. Rush Limbaugh Alexa think they survived because they abandoned socialism. That’s not true. They survived because it stopped being fucking winter and they had food again and shelter.

Mattie  17:29  
But you know that socialism and winter are the same thing. Exact same thing.

Austin  17:33  
Rush Limbaugh’s an idiot. Don’t read a stupid fucking book. No children has ever read it. I know. Because I have never checked that book out to a child.

Mattie  17:40  
Are you saying that adults are reading the children’s book?

Austin  17:42  
Yeah. Oh, please. Adult rush limbaugh’s fans. Absolutely reading jovians books. So it was a normal English Harvest Festival. And this is the best part. They actually didn’t even invite the Indians. Of course not. The Wampanoag heard the hustle and stuff going on there and got shots and went to investigate it found out that they were having a harvest festival and decided we’re going to bring five deer and join you for this.

Mattie  18:07  

Austin  18:08  
so this they showed up. They were good neighbors. They brought five deer which

Mattie  18:12  
like they came because they were concerned they were hearing

Austin  18:14  
lots of gunshots what’s happening guys? Also there were about roughly 53 pilgrims or so and 90 ish Indians, so way more Wampanoag there than they were. Anyone else? And of course this gets us into the big part about the well No, they didn’t have on the menu at the first Thanksgiving. There was no pie at the first Thanksgiving because they what no pie they had no wheat flour.

Mattie  18:37  
Oh, that is the best part of Thanksgiving is the best part of

Austin  18:39  
Thanksgiving is the pie then even that pie. There’s probably not even turkey they probably had some sort of waterfowl. And there were no sweet potatoes because sweet potatoes were not in North America yet. What’s on the menu? We know for sure there was venison there was corn mush.

Mattie  18:54  
I mean honestly that sounds good to me. succotash

Austin  18:57  
which is a mixture of corn beams

Mattie  19:01  
in which Sylvester the cat had to suffer a good deal he was suffering.

Austin  19:06  
and delicious. Delicious. stewed pumpkin.

Mattie  19:09  
I mean, honestly, that all sounds kind of good to me. Yeah. But corn mush. I mean, isn’t that basically what polenta is? Yeah. Oh, okay. I got it now.

Austin  19:19  
Yeah, I was thinking it was like creamed corn. But corn. That’s I mean,

Mattie  19:22  
it could be creamed corn to I guess, although they have cows. No, so not creamed corn. Corn.

Austin  19:27  
Well, they might have had cows. I don’t know if they had cows or not. Deer milk. You have to be very sneaky to get deer milk. Are you ready for the big shocker? Okay thing that is going to amaze you. Most of all this entire story I’ve been telling you. As I’ve been talking to you about the first Thanksgiving and the miss about the first Thanksgiving. Everything I just talked about was not actually the first Thanksgiving. Okay. Everything we learned is wrong. Because Thanksgiving is not based on this story, even though problematic, and much of it didn’t actually happen was at least kind of Happy ending. The first Thanksgiving is not that.

Mattie  20:03  
So what did you just tell me about?

Austin  20:05  
I told you about when the pilgrims arrived and they had a nice lunch with the Indians. Okay. The actual first Thanksgiving. What’s the worst thing you think this could be about?

Mattie  20:15  

Austin  20:16  
yet? It was a celebration of from English of the mystic massacre on May 26 16, through seven so it also wasn’t in the fall in which four to 700 Peak white Indians died in Connecticut. It was at the end of the peak. What wars?

Mattie  20:35  
Oh, okay. I actually do know about this. Yeah, thanks to working with history teachers, because teachers are awesome. And they their hands are just tied on things.

Austin  20:45  
Near the end of that war, and this was a this is a direct quote from one of the people there. In a little more than one hour five or 600 of these barbarians were dismissed from a world burdened with them.

Mattie  20:57  
That sounds like the kind of stuff that’s written in man of festivals by white supremacists and school shooters

Austin  21:02  
it was they the people that were in a this the stockade area, and they got surrounded and they’re fighting off and they said, well, instead of continuing this fight, we’re going to burn it all down and prevent them from escaping. Nice guys. Yep. So lots of people died in a fire and anyone who tried to climb the walls and get out was shocked.

Mattie  21:22  
I genuinely hope that any of the curses that Native Americans supposedly put upon white people are real.

Austin  21:30  
So now how is this lead to the first Thanksgiving you might ask why the governor of massachusetts declared this the first Thanksgiving, and for the next hundred years, they will be thanking God for the victory in that bloody battle. So that is the real story of the first Thanksgiving enjoying your turkey

Mattie  21:50  
yet? Think about all the holidays we have that are in the celebration of murdering people.

Austin  21:55  
This one more so than nothing.

Mattie  21:58  
Yeah, I just it just hit me up. Like this is about killing people. This one also about killing people. This one’s about killing Jesus. But he came back

Austin  22:07  
then he went away again, mysterious. I don’t know how that story ends. So,

Mattie  22:11  
to Lutheran Sunday school, like, every day somehow I literally paid zero attention

Austin  22:17  
to that I had a Gameboy pocket and Pokemon for all of that you think I learned anything?

Mattie  22:24  
in my pocket? The original cell phones?

Austin  22:27  
Yeah, kids. I have a level 99 blast stories. And I don’t know who Jesus is.

Mattie  22:36  
I was more of the I’m going to hide a book kind except I didn’t even do that. Because I would do actually all of my work. I was I was I was that kid. But when I’d be done, I would get up my book to read because I was done and I would get in trouble for reading my book. I’m not bothering anybody. I’m not disrupting it. But I got in trouble for reading the book. that whoever Why are you working? I just turned it in. Well, you’re distracting people out. Like, you’re, it’s showing off that you’re done in there not I’m like, so I should just sit here and stare into space for the next half, and I’m just gonna start singing

Austin  23:13  
me. I’m done and you’re a W song.

Mattie  23:16  
It got to the point where I actually would finish tests and assignments and then wait for someone else to turn theirs and first so that the bullying from the peers and teachers would stop.

Austin  23:26  

every time you talk about your childhood, it makes me sad.

Also, that then later, Abraham Lincoln made it a federal holiday that we all know now and that was really boring.

Mattie  23:39  
His is not the one that we know. Whoo.

Austin  23:41  
Yeah. Are you ready for some questions? Sure. Now, these are questions. He was short today. I know Well, this was one of those ones where I can either go way too long and I’d be boring or go short and haven’t been awesome. So this is a Thanksgiving treat for everybody.

Mattie  23:57  
Having often not talk for very long,

Austin  23:59  
having often not taught for very long. Now these are questions that are not necessarily we don’t actually want answers to this is just questions of whether or not this is going to be on the test. Okay. Well, the fact that half of the pilgrims died right away, be on the test,

Mattie  24:13  
not in elementary school, be back be there by high school.

Austin  24:16  
Well, the fact that 90% of the Native Americans had died years before the pilgrims even got there be on the test.

Mattie  24:21  
Not in elementary school and depends on the direction the high school is taking.

Austin  24:27  
Well, the fact that they weren’t even called pilgrims be on the test.

Now. that’s confusing, so confusing.

That was like the one fact it’s like, wait, then we’re gonna fucking pilgrims? The fuck? And will the fact that it was an actual Honest to God, genocide is the reason we celebrate Thanksgiving beyond the test?

Mattie  24:45  
No, but I feel like more and more teachers are starting to push back now. So maybe eventually,

Austin  24:51  
maybe. All right, that was first Thanksgiving. And it’s confusing, confusing craziness. So what do you got? For me,

Mattie  25:00  
well, I’m talking today about something that it’s kind of understandable. We weren’t taught in school, at least for most of it, I guess unless you’re taking like business classes, in which case it makes sense that you would learn it. I’m talking about the history of Black Friday,

Austin  25:13  
Black Friday, the annual event where someone gets trampled to death in a Walmart. Yes, cool. So

Mattie  25:18  
when I was a kid, it wasn’t affecting. I remember the year it became news that stores were opening at midnight. And it being kind of this shocker, and even before that, because it’s always kind of been there, really, but it was never a thing. But I remember my family looking at the news stories and going Wow, that looks like craziness. That’s so unusual. I used to ride

Austin  25:40  
my bike to the mall because I used to live like post mall. I rode my bike there on Black Friday, just for the people watching. And there’s so many kids on leashes and I loved it. But so yeah, that was that’s my experience Black Friday thread my bike the mall and

Mattie  25:53  
my experience Black Friday comes from when I started to work at a bookstore and I worked there for four years. Black Fridays at the mall that you’re talking about.

Austin  26:02  
Oh, damn, that place was a fucking zoo.

Mattie  26:05  
Yeah, this is the biggest mall within several hours. And on Black Friday, it gets absolutely batshit insane in there. I worked in a bookstore we didn’t have DVDs. We didn’t have music. We didn’t have video games. So our cup customers were there looking for books,

Austin  26:24  
calendars with cats on them.

Mattie  26:25  
Yes. And calendars of cats on them and some a very small selection of book related toys. Like I’m talking about few stuffed animals not like the entire tour sex toy section that’s at Barnes and Noble. Now, people in Black Friday though we’re the meanest people I have ever encountered. They come in and they are on the offensive from the moment they walk in the moment they leave. They are screaming at other customers, they’re screaming at you. And invariably the people who block in at eight in the morning, got all of their cash and hundreds, which you at that point still had to spend Especially request or you’re getting 20s. And then they would buy a $5 book and expect you to break the hundred with the cash you had in your drawer. Meaning that first you run out of 20. Then you run out of 10. Then you run out of fives and all you’ve got left is ones and even that there were times where I can dangerously close to running out of ones. We had people who were making cash drops and polls the entire day. And people will get so upset that you’re giving them ones and fives for their hundreds because they wanted to break them to 20s like pinko to the goddamn bank. It’s like you’re a bookstore, not a bank. Yeah. And they could not understand that we couldn’t have an unlimited amount of

Austin  27:40  
cash in our doors at all times. We also got that the library not that that extent, but people will come up and try pay 30 cent fine with $100 bill, and we would just tell them no and they get so mad.

Mattie  27:49  
There’s a bank next to you.

Austin  27:51  
Yeah, there’s a bank. You can see from where I work. It doesn’t matter.

Mattie  27:54  
Yeah. So before I even start, Black Friday makes me very angry. Not because of the retail mania, you do what you want. I’m looking at Black Friday options on the internet already. It’s because people get so mean to the people who work there. mean you shouldn’t be mean to the other customers either. But the people who work there don’t have a choice. They’re not getting time and a half, even though they really should be and especially when the stores opening at five or six on Thanksgiving night they gave up visiting their families because they had to be there being mean to them should

Austin  28:25  
be an overstable event. Yeah, these are human beings not your little personal toys that you get to abuse because they don’t have enough human action figures. Yeah, I don’t know what kids like these

Mattie  28:41  
days. Black Friday is not a uniquely American thing anymore. It was

Austin  28:46  
for a long time. Oh god, I’m sorry world.

Mattie  28:49  
But I did want to comment just on one other countries Black Friday in the majority of the world if they have Black Friday, it means what we mean here because retailers have forced it upon them except in the UK, UK is Black Friday is the Friday before Christmas. And it has nothing to do with shopping, emergency services set up mobile field hospitals near all nightlife areas because people get so drunk that they cannot safely get people to the hospitals in enough time. So Black Friday of the UK is just Dear God, we have to deal with drunk people. Okay,

Austin  29:23  
I feel like our Black Friday is gonna eventually turn into that because all of the retail workers, I just couldn’t get done Black Friday and go into an alcohol call coma and it’s just gonna

Mattie  29:35  
anyway. So we use the term Black Friday now, but there have been other black friday throughout history. They’re typically when there’s a financial crisis. Oh, yeah. And when there have been financial collapses in our country, they were often on Fridays they called Black Friday, especially one of the late 1800s but that was a whole other side things I didn’t get into it. And before we get into the rest of the story, yes, I am aware that you’re great. ads on Facebook and all of her friends shared that black friday comes from the fact that they used to sell slaves after Thanksgiving it during the war times. That is a lie. That is not a thing. But I mean, they did sell slaves that everything’s giving and every other day, that was not called Black Friday. That’s another thing.

Austin  30:19  
Wait till you’re saying something an old person shared on Facebook. That’s a pixelated meme was wrong?

Mattie  30:24  
Yeah, I’m not gonna give that rumor a whole lot of air time. Because it makes me mad that people are exploiting the fact that was a real thing that happened to push their own agenda. I am very anti Black Friday, but I’m not going to throw an actual group of people under the bus to make my point.

Austin  30:41  
Yeah, NPR has a great piece about how to be able to spot fake news stories and really just judge the accuracy of a news source and things like that. I wouldn’t recommend checking that out. It’s very helpful.

Mattie  30:52  
In the late 1800s and early 1900s. They started having things like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, there was no equivalent in Canada. Time which was ended with Santa. That was the official beginning of the Christmas season, there was an unwritten agreement between retailers that they would not start advertising until Christmas for Christmas until that day, not like now where Target has their Christmas stuff out in

Austin  31:16  
mid October. I’m pretty sure I saw Santa in September. Oh,

Mattie  31:20  
are you sure you weren’t just wearing a red shirt?

Austin  31:22  
I could have been. He has a beard. I’m not saying anything else. I’m jolly and have a beard. Yep.

Mattie  31:28  
In 1939. The retail drive that association though, went to Franklin Delano Roosevelt and told him that retail sales needed the holiday or everybody was going bankrupt. They needed the holiday to be earlier.

Austin  31:42  
Oh my god was the beginning of the war on Christmas.

Mattie  31:44  
This was the war for Christmas. Like literally they asked Roosevelt to change the date of thanksgiving from the one that Lincoln had established, which is what I was saying to one that would allow stores to make more money and the Worked Ooh, thanksgiving had previously been the last Thursday in November. It is now the fourth Thursday of November, meaning that there’s up to a full week of additional shopping time. He stupidly made the decision in October and had it starts with that same year. That’s going to be a nightmare to roll this shit out. People will make vacation plans. People had already made all of their plans, vacation plans, stores, purchasing was done. And he’s like, nope, starting this year. This is happening. So people have hist patches are calling it friendsgiving.

Didn’t know which day they were supposed to let their employees off now. So they did let them on both days of the government shut down for an extra day.

Austin  32:43  
No, I’ll take it many days off.

Mattie  32:45  
But in 1941, people had calmed down and Congress passed a law declaring that the new holiday

Austin  32:50  
also that people would buy more shit. And then two weeks later, Pearl Harbor happened and it was World War Two.

Mattie  32:57  
I wonder if the two things are connected. Maybe We’re really mad about the holiday change.

Austin  33:02  
Like the Japanese Empire is like, Oh my god, they’ve changed Thanksgiving. Again, they have to stop this. That’s not how this happened.

Mattie  33:10  
Now, the term Black Friday was originally applied to the day after Thanksgiving starting in 1951, or 1952, in reference to the number of retail workers who would call out sick that day, because you know, these assholes wanted to spend time with their families grandma’s in town, and they would rather you know, spend time with grandma then come in and work minimum wage for the people who are screaming at them, grateful. But then it started around the same time to be used as the shopping day by police officers in Philadelphia and Rochester, New York, especially in Philadelphia, because the traffic and crowds of shoppers would get so big and the reason it Philadelphia used it more was because the Army Navy football game was that Saturday, so tourists were also coming to town and going shopping. So the traffic was bad people were ill behaved in stores. Yes, even in the 19 50s

Austin  34:00  
but everything was magic the nights and 50s and we all got along and no one was bad to each other.

Mattie  34:06  
Except for in Philadelphia The day after Thanksgiving, Philadelphia,

Austin  34:10  
you’re the supposed to the City of Brotherly Love. You’ve got the Liberty Bell.

Mattie  34:13  
A few years later, Philadelphia recognize that, oh, Black Friday, that’s a negative, we need to change the term. They tried to change it to big Friday. And it didn’t work. No. Until the early 1980s. The term was restricted almost exclusively to Philadelphia in 1985. Somebody did the research and found out that California had never even heard of it. Then it became national news because store started complaining about the term saying it was offensive because it made the most important shopping day of the year sound like a negative, they started trying to flip the narrative. So instead of changing the word like Philadelphia tried, they changed the story. So it was Black Friday, because of the you know, violence and danger well for them, and this is the story that persists to this day about why it’s called Black Friday. Well, you know, the rest of the year 100% of retailers are running a negative, but for the season, we run a positive then starting on Thanksgiving, our ink turns from red to black. So we’re in the black. Okay, that seems like a

Austin  35:15  
business that’s going to go out and that’s just not going to make money like a Trump hotel.

Mattie  35:19  
Oh, it actually is bullshit. Yeah, major retailers generally turn a profit the whole year, they wouldn’t have investors, small businesses are more likely to have this problem. Those are all the same places that can’t afford to do Black Friday sales. So it’s not really even relevant to them. I would sure hope that they’re shopping still goes up on that day,

Austin  35:36  
though. I don’t hope so too. And I hope the people are nice

Mattie  35:38  
for them. To be nice to anybody. They’re stuck there. They Yeah. And they’re not even allowed to tell you like Please stop. You’re making me uncomfortable without getting fired. So Black Friday really became the biggest shopping day of the year in 2005. So I’m not wrong when I’m saying this was not really a thing. Yeah, it always existed since the 1960s. 50s 60s the shopping day was big 1980s we coined the term 2005 is when it became a food. This was after I worked in that books. No, no, this was the middle of working on that bookstore. I started working there in 2003, and one third to 2007. This is smack in the middle. The first dip from 2005 happened in 2014. And that’s the year that a lot of stores began spreading their sales through the entirety of November and December. So completely ignoring the unspoken rule that you don’t start selling the shit until Black Friday. Until 2011. It was common for retailers to open it around six in the morning to accommodate the crowds. So on Friday, they still have their Thanksgivings off. Yeah. Then in 2011, retailers start opening at midnight, and then in 2012 8pm, and then in 2014, five or six, that’s like

Austin  36:50  
you’re not even giving them the holiday. They’re not getting paid over time.

Mattie  36:53  
Yeah, you don’t get time and a half for this.

Austin  36:56  
And it’s like, this is generally it’s like if you’re working at Target. It’s Not a fun job.

Mattie  37:01  
No. And that comes up later. There are three states, Rhode Island, Massachusetts and Maine that do not allow this grocery stores, big box stores and department stores cannot open at all. from midnight to midnight for Thanksgiving. Critics say it’s a blue law, meaning it’s religiously motivated. Because Thanksgiving is a religious holiday.

Austin  37:22  
It’s I mean, it’s absolutely not a religious holiday

Mattie  37:26  
in Massachusetts even was like, Guys, it’s because it’s a common law day of rest. It has nothing to do with religion. It’s not a religious holiday. We’re giving people the fucking day off, get over it. It’s

Austin  37:36  
a federal holiday deal with it. If you got a problem gig up Lincoln’s boats.

Mattie  37:40  
Well, there are several states that make it so that government workers cannot work on that day. It is a government holiday. And then most businesses that are not retail are also closed on that day, because they recognize they need people to actually go and visit their family for this family holiday. Retail workers aren’t given the choice of lot of Black Friday. It’s literally 100% of the staff has to be there or they are fired. Those are your options. Putting it you got fired from a retail job on your application is not going to help you get a future job. Nope. Be nice to them guys. And we’re excited. That’s I don’t know where else to put this. The busiest city on Black Friday is in the South Park neighborhood in Charlotte, North Carolina. I couldn’t find anything about why the entire neighborhood is named after the mold of

Austin  38:23  
Okay, so it’s probably just like a giant network of malls. It’s like a mall that started growing and growing like a tumor until it took over the entire city. And now it’s everything is the mall and when the world ends, civilization will rise again from the small.

Mattie  38:38  
So now we’ve gone from having just Black Friday to also having Cyber Monday. I always thought that this was not to split competition for places like target that have a retail location and online location. But that’s actually not it. It’s because source hard to realize that there was an uptick in sales automatically on their websites on Mondays because people had not been able to find their stuff on Fridays and they were slacking off at work and looking at sort of on the internet. So they decided to feed into that by making the sales happen to draw even more people in and keep people on the site longer to buy more stuff. It’s brilliant. The term Cyber Monday was coined by the National Retail foundation Federation in 2005. for longer than I thought it would have been Wow. Because the internet in 2005 is not what it is now.

Austin  39:24  
No, it’s like, we’re like we’re deep in my space territory in 2005.

Mattie  39:29  
That was the year I was in college without having my own computer and it was fine. Next year, I had my own computer, it was better. You know, it’s a bummer. In 2013. It was noted that Cyber Monday would you might imagine is the second biggest shopping day of the year because of Black Friday, it’s the third Thanksgiving Day itself is the second biggest shopping day of the year because of the Black Friday sale sale starting on Thanksgiving. So from about 5pm to midnight, the second highest number of retail sales happen throughout the entire year.

Austin  40:00  
I don’t want to go shopping on Thanksgiving. I’m full of Turkey and pissed off at my family.

Mattie  40:05  
Sometimes the Saturday before Christmas that overtakes all of them. Because that’s when all the husbands realize they forgot to buy the presence.

Austin  40:12  
And all those. All those fathers forget. Oh shit, I forgot my kids presence. And then we get the holiday classic jingle all the way starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad.

Mattie  40:21  
We need to watch that this year.

Austin  40:23  
I love that movie. I love the Arnold Schwarzenegger la scream. He’s a governor. Was it good? Yeah, that’s what I meant.

Mattie  40:31  
So Cyber Monday has now expanded into cyber week. And that includes Black Friday, so I’m in hopes that Black Friday will calm the fuck down soon.

Austin  40:40  
Oh, yes. But since Millennials are killing up brick and mortar stores, I mean, it sounds like maybe we’re going to call it black friday till

Mattie  40:45  
we the ones doing Black Friday. No,

Austin  40:48  
no. Well, I know we don’t. We don’t I don’t think any of my friends do.

Mattie  40:54  
I don’t think any of my friends do either. Like we shop on the internet for stuff but we don’t we don’t we’re not the ones contributing to this. I think because we grew up with the stories you’ve been

Austin  41:05  
having the shipping. And I think also because we’ve worked in retail, and had these jobs and work with the public that we don’t want to contribute to this. So actually tell you what, listeners at us on Twitter with this. Do you do Black Friday? do you avoid it? Do you know anyone who’s like all and on Black Friday

Mattie  41:20  
on the test pod? But it’s now Oh, yeah, I should

Austin  41:22  
probably mention that alpha test pod.

Mattie  41:24  
But we all know what we’re really here for right now. It’s the violence

Austin  41:28  
we are absolutely. And that’s why I’m here for anything.

Mattie  41:32  
You might not know this. I actually did the waiting outside of a store for it to open because there was a sale going on.

My mom thought it was one of those things that we would do once just to see what it was like but it was not Black Friday. This would have been 1997 ish. The era of Beanie Babies.

Austin  41:53  
What Beanie Baby where you I

Mattie  41:54  
actually don’t remember. I think it was one where they realized that there was an defect on them. So they’d only sent out like 10,000 or some shit and a candy store at a mall was getting a shipment of them. So a friend of ours was going through and I’m decided we tag along as well. We got there like three in the morning or five in the morning or something. And it wasn’t big crowd was it was good sized. And yes, even with a crowd that maybe was 30 people, someone got trampled. It was awful. And I couldn’t stop it.

Austin  42:25  
Did you get the Beanie Baby?

Mattie  42:27  
I did. Okay, good. And Candy. Candy start.

Austin  42:29  
Yeah. Okay, I haven’t been to a couple of releases like for the Harry Potter books. Yeah.

For the books for the movies. The one time I have actually waited overnight for something was when the Nintendo Wii came out. I waited in line at

Mattie  42:43  
Circuit City where service the state of the art

Austin  42:45  
I was the first person in line and I got the first Nintendo Wii and then I got home and got super sick because it came out in the winter. And I was sitting outside all night.

Mattie  42:55  
What happened to that we always wanted one.

Austin  42:57  
We sold it to some like crap with A call Oh yeah, we sold it to vintage stock A while ago.

Mattie  43:03  
I was wanted a we

Austin  43:05  
it wasn’t it was kind of broken. Like this was it was 10 years old when I sold it. But hey, if we really wanted a we need a Nintendo Switch now which is just so much better.

Mattie  43:16  
I’m really happy with our Nintendo 64 and yes, we do have a functioning Nintendo 64 and Mario Kart.

Austin  43:22  
Oh my god, let’s play Mario.

Mattie  43:25  
You really enjoy losing?

Austin  43:27  
Okay, yeah, she is really good at Mario Kart, and I thought I was good at it. But turns out someone had a Nintendo 64 at home which

I know I didn’t. Oh, you didn’t? Oh, that’s right. You would? No no, I did. I did eventually

go play it with like your cousins and kick their asses.

Mattie  43:42  
I know I I never had one. No, it was always playing with my cousins. Who much of this I didn’t listen here. We agree before we got married that all divorce settling would be done vn to the 64 Mario Kart.

Austin  43:54  
She’s getting all the cats. I’m not going to be able to stop her.

Mattie  43:59  
All right. So That’s the violence on Black Friday, violence, violence violence. Violence was every year since Black Friday has been a thing. There have been reports of minor injuries usually bumps and bruises. But there aren’t enough really bad things that there’s an entire website called Black Friday death Count two.com. They have 12 deaths and 117 injuries on there since 2006. plus five deaths that happened during Black Friday. But we’re not necessarily related. It was just at the place, suicides, murder suicides, being arrested for the murder of employees, things like that. But other sources had different murders and stuff on them. So there are more than this. So I’m going to go through some Yay. And I tried to pull up just a few but there are a lot so Black Friday, death count calm, not a bad place if you’re interested. 2008 was the first report of someone being trampled to death. He was an employee at a Walmart in New York. He went there to like open up the doors which the shoppers immediately broke down and trampled. him. They knew he was being trampled employees were trying to stop them trying to get this guy help. They refused saying but we’re cold and we’ve waited long enough police show up. They are shoving the police and refusing them accept them access to this man that they are trembling to death because they want their deals. Okay, I

Austin  45:20  
I feel like a police officer in this situation would be totally justified. Just be blindly spray and mace into a crowd.

Mattie  45:25  
That’s happened a few times as well. I actually don’t talk about that. It’s because they’re not as horrific as some other things. Oh,

Austin  45:30  
wow. Okay, yeah, we’re getting the scope here. That’s this makes

Mattie  45:34  
the term doorbuster sales pretty fucking dark, doesn’t it? Yeah, that same year. This is again 2008. Two people were shot to death or Toys R Us in California. This was my favorite. In Ohio. A 19 year old girl leapt into a man’s back and began beating him while he tried to buy a TV. That’s my TV. That’s my TV. He was already like in the checkout line if I understood it correctly,

Austin  45:55  
so is this 19 year old girl so hello reincarnation of Ross killer.

Mattie  45:58  
My TV understandably this guy elbows her in the face cops and put in a scaredy show up pull her off of them and so he walks away cuz he’s not a fucking psycho and she got to buy the TV. Yeah, that’s what gets me. Oh, they let her buy the TV sounded that way from what I heard

I didn’t have any for 2009 but there is stuff for 2009 2010 a Florida man.

Austin  46:22  
Okay good good. I’m more comfortable when it’s a Florida

Mattie  46:26  
arrested after other shoppers called the cops because they saw a handgun. He also had two knives and a pepper spray painted a Toys for Tots about volunteer and former Marine clothesline, a shoplifter who just assaulted an employee and tried to run shoplifter South him he lived and a trans woman in Tennessee was assaulted at a store lost 100% of her teeth. Oh, the police took it seriously until they asked for her ID which still had her previous identity on it and stopped and stopped a gradient to pursue any charges.

Austin  47:00  
You Tennessee

Mattie  47:01  
2011 the list was ridiculously long woman in California pepper sprayed at least 20 people while they waited for an Xbox 360. She said that she didn’t like people pushing her line because she had kids who probably got pepper sprayed, but the police said she was doing to further her place in the line. And then this is the one that particularly bombs fail. This was after the time where target started opening at five or six the previous night, target and play got off the night shift, fell asleep and had to faithfully be saved after her car with 20 feet down into a canal and she couldn’t swim so she couldn’t get out of the car because she had been forced to work the night shift so that people could shop at 5pm. Now we keep in mind, target doesn’t normally have a night shift.

Austin  47:42  
They probably do restocking

Mattie  47:45  
the retail workers. So chances are I would guess that she had probably worked on Wednesday, then done Thanksgiving on Thursday then had to go do her job overnight. So I mean, I didn’t that wasn’t all confirmed in there but that’s what they’re Do it. That’s what these words are doing. So I’m actually surprised there’s not more of these. I mean, there probably are

Austin  48:05  
they just aren’t reported because I mean, it’s very hard to prove that this person died because they’re exhausted from working 24 hours straight at a target in Poughkeepsie,

Mattie  48:13  
Florida Walmart 2012 parking space argument two people shot. I think this was the same year but I didn’t have a date on it. Utah police had to handle 15,000 shoppers at one mall who were fighting and ransacking the stores in Utah.

Austin  48:31  
That’s that is a that’s a riot. Yeah, that is just a literal riot.

Mattie  48:36  
Yeah, Black Friday has actual literal riots in it. Why do we do this? Because we don’t have respect for other people. Okay,

Austin  48:43  
it’s not like people are going to stop buying fucking Christmas presents because there’s not a sale on Friday.

Mattie  48:48  
Put all of your sales online.

Yeah, just put them online. Don’t have them in the stores

just for safety purposes. Yeah, and also refused to open outside your normal hours. People will live

Austin  48:58  
Yeah. 2013

Mattie  49:00  
Whether you’re like 2011 look at Illinois at a cold a shoplifter was shot by police after dragging an officer with his car.

Austin  49:08  
Wow Yeah, this was what 2014 13 2013 was still open.

Mattie  49:14  
We got to pull down the street what I need to return that Amazon package there. Oh because they were going to charge me the cost of the entire item to return it through the mail. I actually don’t have anything for 1415 but stuff happened 2016 in Canada because Canada is box ready to

Austin  49:30  
my Thanksgiving was on a complete but our stores spillover and

Mattie  49:35  
a man took off his shirt and then used his belt as a whip outside of a store that was not only Black Friday but was had a rare and new sneaker coming on sale.

Austin  49:45  
Are you sure this is Canada not Florida, Canada,

Mattie  49:47  
Canada. There were also other brawls happening but since it was Canada they looked at the said fuck you and close the store for the band canceled the sale all

Austin  49:55  
together. Good for you can I

Mattie  49:57  
end up raffling off the shoes later. So none of These people got to buy their shoes because of these people’s behavior and a man. This one was really awful. There’s a Texas Walmart, this guy’s in the car while his wife runs into buy something at the store. He sees a man in the parking lot beating the shit out of a woman. So he goes up and he drives up next to him and just says, Hey, stop hitting her.

That’s all he did. And he got shot in the neck. Just people suck. People suck. And then 20 1718

was shot at the Columbia Missouri mall, and an entire mall in Alabama had to close because of the writing.

Austin  50:31  
I remember the Columbia one because we’re fairly close to there. So I heard about that one.

Mattie  50:35  
I actually didn’t find out what happened to him after. It was not a good situation. I know that

lots of these are shooting and then we’re back Alabama the next year maltz a guy was shot and killed by security guard after two other people were including a little girl were injured in shooting that he actually didn’t commit but he was part of and then there were other shootings and more shootings and additional shootings. Apparently people just love shooting each other and Black Friday. Last year,

yay. Next week this week, I guess when this gets really

don’t bring your gun to the mall, I promise you, you do not need it. Okay. So Black Friday has been around since the 1950s. At least being turned up by police officers. The shopping days existed with at least the 1930s and the entirety of the Thanksgiving season was altered

in order to accommodate the and

Austin  51:26  
I thought this was going to be fun. So Black Friday.

Mattie  51:31  
History is not fun, man. Like we were talking last week about trying to find something fun and then remembered it was Thanksgiving so we couldn’t look for fun things.

Austin  51:39  

Mattie  51:40  
next week, we’ll try to find something fun.

Austin  51:41  
I’ve got I’ve got a fun one. It’s in the can. It can keep buying the Can I mean, I’ve looked at it and think Yeah, I could make this work.

Mattie  51:48  
Alright, so here’s your questions. Okay. Well, the fact that FDR changed the date of the holiday because of retail sales be on the test. I want to say yes because

Austin  51:58  
we live in a consumer society. Now and then you know that the history of that.

Mattie  52:02  
I think we’ve always lived in a consumer society. Yeah. Well, the fact that annoyed police officers coined the term beyond the test,

Austin  52:09  
I thought they coined that term because everyone was calling in sick.

Mattie  52:12  
No, this is this is why it’s being used like so widely is because

Austin  52:17  
because police officers, yeah, so yeah. And plus was Philadelphia. Like, there’s not enough Philadelphia history out there.

Mattie  52:23  
And then here’s me being annoyed again, will the fact that retail workers are exhausted and abused to the point where they had been killed in car accidents beyond the test.

They weren’t killed, but

I killed and in car accidents because that guy who was trampled to death, the first one was even boy, no, because

Austin  52:39  
if you’re working in retail, it means that you didn’t study hard enough in high school and these guys should be cautionary tales and not deserving of your sympathy.

Mattie  52:47  
I actually had someone say that to me once when I worked at a Starbucks. I worked at Starbucks because I graduated from college early and needed to, you know, employ myself and pay bills and I made the mistake of tonglen I liked her carbs and a drive there. And she looks at me and says, Well, if you got if you went to college and got a real job, maybe you could get a car like this someday.

Austin  53:10  
Wow. That’s That’s awful. That’s

Mattie  53:14  
that happened a lot.

Austin  53:15  
Yeah. homotopic um, of course, we didn’t even get into the fact that like, Anthony, it’s like, can you order something on Amazon? It’s still not ready for the employees because they are being worked to death in these warehouses. And Cyber Monday is probably killing Amazon employees too.

Mattie  53:33  
Yeah, they have that Amazon Prime days and that was going on then people were, you know, literally having heart attacks and dying and Amazon. Oh,

can we just be nice to people?

Austin  53:45  
Yeah, maybe we instead of like, you know, using the history of thanksgiving which is murders, lies and genocide. We should be the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is being nice to someone and not being an asshole for 12 fucking hours. Can you at least do that?

Mattie  54:01  
And remember, there’s pie. There’s pie. Even if you don’t actually have pie in front of you. There’s pie in the world. And there’s no pie in hell. So this Thanksgiving, be safe. Be nice to your family. If they start saying racist should call them out or leave. Either one will make them hate you, but that’s fine. You don’t wanna hang out those people anyway. And if you’re gonna do Black Friday, be nice. Don’t bring hundred dollar bills. Unless you’re buying something that is exactly $100 don’t

Austin  54:33  
bring your gun unless you’re taking it to the gun store to get a special laser sight on it for your uncle.

Mattie  54:40  
Oh, wait and ask you what you learned today.

Austin  54:42  
Oh, that’s what it’s like. What are you thankful

for this year? Let’s be cheesy. I don’t think I have any job.

I am also thankful that you have a new job.

Mattie  54:49  
Yeah, I I was a teacher until last year and I was putting in 70 hour work weeks most weeks. Yeah. And now for the first time ever. I have a 40 Hour Workweek and It’s bizarre but I’m really enjoying that.

Austin  55:03  
I actually see her on occasions which has been amazing. And I enjoy it for now.

Mattie  55:09  
Like I say I think he started to realize that he doesn’t like me that much.

Austin  55:12  
Always. I love you. I am thankful for our for stupid smelly jerk cats and I love them all.

Mattie  55:21  
I mad at one of them right now. I’m

only when he beat me. He did he didn’t mean to he was trying to bite his sister but

Austin  55:30  
yeah, they got into a fight at three in the morning.

Mattie  55:32  
Well topping on me

and so I chunk a poacher wound in my finger.

Austin  55:40  
He was sorry. He wasn’t sorry. No, no remorse. Cats are evil and I love them.

Mattie  55:48  
Oh, and we have a website now is on the test pod.com just like our socials on twitter at on the test pod and facebook. com On the test pod, we are not the most creative people. All right, well, Happy Thanksgiving, everybody besides

Austin  56:08  
Thanksgiving, Don’t be a jerk and Class dismissed.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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